Land of the crayfish

Because I don't particularly like getting wet early in the morning, and because dolphins are assholes. I was not one of the people who opted to go swim with the dolphins. This ultimately proved to be the better choice because there was apparently quite a bit of chundering going on in the boat, and there was a scheduling screw up, so they all ended up holding up the bus for an hour or two and missing out on lunch.
Haha dolphin lovers, haha.

Moving on, what I did do that day was not quite so different. I went to watch another marine mammal who had not quite progressed as far along the evolutionary trail as dolphins. Yes I went to go get amazingly close to these cute, adorable, fluffy, vicious little fucks known as seals. I was smart enough to utilize the zoom function on my camera, but not everyone was, which gave me the pleasure of watching someone run like hell from this great floppy barking beast, and then observe in amusement as they returned, now comically cautious, to retrieve the stuffed animal that they'd dropped (for the record, the stuffed animal was our tour groups mascot named "blackie", after the all blacks, being that he was shaped like a rugby ball and had a silver fern on his back)

Well we spent a little longer on the beach than we meant to, so when the group of people I was with decided that they were going to have subway for lunch (honestly, why do they always have a specific place in mind? It's more trouble than it's worth, just find a nice place, sit down and eat!) we ended up walking 4km to the nearest one and back, resulting in us having to inhale our food and rush back to the pickup point on an overly full stomach (not pleasant).
Not that it actually mattered, because like I said before, the dolphin swim people held up the bus for over an hour, so we were left sitting there, cramped and annoyed. I amused myself by playing with a bee who had been crawling around on [another tour groups] bus driver's back. Turned out the thing was dying and couldn't even fly, so I just stuck in on the back of my wrist, watched it crawl around, and freaked people out with it until our bus finally came, at which point I left it on a bush (where, I've got to be honest, it was probably a sitting duck for a bird to eat it. Meh, circle of life)
Settled myself down for a good long busride then we had to stop anyway for the dolphin swimmers to get their lunch, so while others took the chance to preemptively stretch their legs (like we hadn't been standing around waiting enough) I went and finished my book.
Now with nothing better to do I could only watch the beautiful south island scenery roll by as we made our way to Motueka and our next accommodation.
There we were greeted with another group on the same tour (just one day ahead of us, we stayed two nights at that place). We tossed around a rugby ball until a dinner of nachos, after which we were treated with an activity.
The boys (of both tour groups) were sent outside while the girls were told what was happening. There was suddenly loud cheering from inside. One of the boys from the other group commented, "Oh, this is gonna be good"
Me:"The hell do you mean 'this is gonna be good', are you stupid? If the girls are cheering this can only be very very bad."
Turns out I was right. Of course it wasn't really all that satisfying to say "I told you so" when our task was to dress up as girls and put on a fashion show.
Yeah you heard me. Honestly I'm surprised pictures haven't been put up on facebook by now, but I don't have them, so don't even bother asking.
At the very least the group of girls in charge of "decorating" me actually dressed me like a girl, rather than a slut, which was the unfortunate (and stab-your-eyes-out unseemly) fate of most of the guys.
After that we all retreated to our rooms like whipped dogs with their tail between their legs to get changed and wash off the makeup (I only had eyeshadow, other guys had it much worse), but still, girls have chemicals and stuff to get this shit off. To hell with science and their goddamn water resistant shit, I had to rub eyelid skin off to get rid of it. Eyelid skin! Do you know how unconfortable that is?